#BtB11: The Art of Letting Go
“You only know you love her when you let her go.” — said Passenger as a singer.
I was once, agree with that line. It was very difficult to let go. Letting go of someone we love is never easy. We already hold them too tight so that it hurts to open our hearts and let go.
The definition of “let go of” is to stop holding or gripping. In our life, we always want to hold someone tightly. We struggle to keep someone by our side. We have some fears in life because we hold on to someone, fear loss, pain, rejection, and hurt. Do we realize that we cannot hold them forever? One day, we must let them go. They will leave us, maybe because she/he passes away, moves to another place, study abroad, etc.
Letting go does not mean that we give up on someone. Letting go can also mean that we love someone and take care of ourselves.
Why letting go is not easy?
We know that we have a sense of belonging. Remember when we were kids, our parents bought us a toy or doll. We want to take them with us wherever we go. We held them tight while we were sleeping, eating, or doing anything else. We cried when someone took it away because we already had them and claimed that they were mine. It also happens to us today. We think that she/he is ours, so we hold her/him tight and never let go.
We cannot blame ourselves because we deeply love them. It is normal and natural. The thing, which is not normal, is we assume that she/he is ours. She/he is not 100% belongs to us, they are God’s people. Our partner is not 100% belong to us. They are responsible for the things they do before God. That is why we cannot ask them to 24/7 reply to our messages, answer our calls, and anything we want.
The first lesson here, she/he is not 100% belong to us. They are 100% God’s beloved children. Now the question is: why don’t we let go of someone who is not ours?
Letting go can prevent you from feeling hurt.
Here is the art: imagine we are holding a cutter. Tightly we hold, surely it hurts. The more we hold someone tight, the more they can hurt ourselves. It happens because we always expect them to love us back the way we love them. It hurts when our expectation does not meet the reality, isn’t it?
Second, when we let go, we are loving ourselves. We are protecting ourselves. We are taking care of ourselves when we let go of the ‘cutter’.
We are also proving the love we have for someone by giving them space. We must recognize that we cannot change someone by forcing them. They have their way and right to do it. We cannot change anyone, but we can change ourselves. Letting go is the first step of changing ourselves for the better us, by learning and dealing with acceptance.
Letting go means we accept the fact that she/he is not ours. Accept the fact that sooner or later we will say goodbye to each other. Accept the fact that we need to take care of ourselves. Accept the fact that we are not supposed to expect and put our hope in someone.
Lastly, letting go means we put trust in God. There are always some consequences after we let go of someone. The consequences may seem severe, unpredictable, uncontrollable, and unwanted. We may feel lost, sad, disappointed, angry, and other emotions that arise when we let go of someone.
Trust God, for He is with us all the time. He can use our point of letting go to be a new point of getting to know someone new. His plan is good. He holds us and He will hold us fast. He is the One who has the right to not let go. We are in His hand, so we are safe and secure.
We are human. When we have someone to hold, it is natural to hold them. Just hold them nicely and safely in your heart, so one day if they choose to go, it will not hurt you as deep as you love them.
Blessed to be blessings!