#BtB10: Breakup

Breakup hurts. It is never easy. We suffer when we break up. Also, I guess we ever think like this after we break up:

“Is it the right decision to break up?”

“Am I ready to let her/him go?”

“Am I ready to face the world alone without her/him?”

“What if is she/he the one for me?” or “Should I ask her/him back?”

Well… let’s talk about breakup, let’s start to deal with ourselves about this.

From the dictionary we know that breakup is the separation or breaking up of something into several pieces or sections. It also means the end of a relationship. Nobody want to break up, but they do. Why? There are many reasons why we break up. My reason, your reason, their reason. Each one of us have the reasons why. I’ll talk about the reasons and considerations of breakup later on the next BtB. Here, I say, if you break up because a serious and principles thing you can’t tolerate, you do it right. It may hurt you for a while, but you’ll find a peace later.

We don’t know where is the good in goodbye after a second we say “goodbye”, but later maybe after few months and years, we’ll find the good.

“Is it the right decision to break up?”

The answer can be in yes and no.

Yes, if we think we have a strong consideration and realize that we can’t be with this person in the future. Once we know, she/he can not be in our future, then why are we keeping her/him with us now? I don’t mean for being rude. Each one of us have the reasons why we can not be with her/him in the future. Maybe it’s about her/his character, habit, social life, parent, culture, etc.

Think about our future, dear. Why do we spend our energy, money, and time for her/him whom we can not have in the future? We can use our energy, money, and time for the other activities that will help us survive in the future.

No, if we break up only because we mad at her/him or because of our ego and emotion. She/he is never the only one who makes mistakes, we also do. Don’t let our emotion lead us to wrong decision. Don’t let our anger decide. Don’t let our pride arise. No, if we break up only because we don’t like her/him anymore, is falling in love a joke? If we only date her/him because we like her/him, it is like we click the like and unlike button on Instagram or Youtube. Falling in love is not as simple and shallow as clicking the like button. So does the breakup.

If we are unsure about this, go ask our parents, family, and friends who know that you was in a relationship and now you break up. Ask for their counsels.

“Am I ready to let her/him go?”

The hardship after breakup is this: letting go. People say the highest level of loving someone is to let them go. Is it? Really? Isn’t it when we love someone we even want to hold them tightly? Why do we let them go?

As a human being, it is our nature to keep what belongs to us. If a baby girl has a favorite Barbie doll, she will hold it tight, bring it wherever she goes, and take a shower with them. When her mom take the Barbie and ask her to do something else, she cry aloud and never stop until she gets the Barbie back. Do we ever this kind of baby girl? It also happens to us. We can never let go the person or things that belong to us. It is the reason why we are difficult to let go. We think that she/he belongs to us from the moment we start the relationship. Then, since the breakup she/he is no longer belong to us.

Once the breakup word comes out in our mind, we have to be ready to let her/him go. The readiness is built before the deal of the breakup. If it is not, then crying for weeks will happen to us, just like a baby girl cry. We are mature enough to face the breakup.

“Am I ready to face the world alone without her/him?”

Of course, we are. Remember the day before we met her/him? We are doing fine with our life and singleness, right? I know I know it is not easy, but it does not mean impossible.

We are born to face the world alone. My problems each day I face is different than yours. I face and fix them alone, yes. You face and fix your problem alone, yes. Well, physically we’re alone, but spiritually we have God. We face our daily problems and fix them by His guidance.

Oh, then why are we feeling alone? Maybe it is because we used to talk with someone physical (our partner) before we decide. After the breakup, we need to make decision by ourselves. My question is “Do you ask God before you decide? Why are you asking your partner first before God?” There is something wrong with ourselves when we think we face the world alone, decide everything by ourselves alone, where is God in our life?

One good thing from breakup that I spill to you today: our partner is not god. She/he is not our everything, she/he can give the wrong advice and decision. Breakup is a way that God may use to slap you down to the ground that you have idolizing her/him. Breakup is a way to realize God’s presence in our life so we know that we are never alone.

“What if is she/he the one for me?” or “Should I ask her/him back?”

If she/he is the one for us, then God will make a way. I can say that some breakups are the way for processing a couple to grow in maturity.

I agree that we never know about the future, but we can project what will happen in the future. Look and count on every possibility of you both are going to back together. If it is big, then there’s a hope, but I don’t suggest you to put your hope in that possibility. Put our hope in God for He knows what is best for us.

Pray before we think of getting back together. Does the breakup mean anything? Does the breakup change something? Does she/he also feel the same so you know that it isn’t a one way feeling? Pray before we decide something after breakup.

I know the pain is real after the breakup. It is okay to cry. I wanna give you one more sign that breaking up is the right choice: you don’t regret it and you will not regret it.

Find the reasons why so that day by day you’ll find yourself at peace with no regret.

Pray each time you feel alone or bitter in life. God is here and there for you.

Blessed to be blessing!

By the way, this is my first post in 2021. Happy new year!

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